Apologies for the quiet around here. I've had a lot of last-minute, end-of-the-year work to do and, of course, the preparations for Christmas. Today I went out after an early lunch and spent a couple of hours shopping on St-Denis and Mont-Royal, where the sidewalks are still deep in snow but the ambiance is as Christmas-y as it gets. I saw all sorts of lovely things one can buy, from fair-trade gifts costing just a few dollars to high-end kitchen ware and clothing, but I bought very little. Half of the people I know seem to be skipping the holidays altogether and leaving on trips: Cartagena, St. Lucia, Hawaii, Spain. Midway through the afternoon, I stopped for a cup of coffee and a muffin; the kindly older man across the table was taking notes on a sheet of paper while studying a calendar of pictures of Morocco; I had the sense that we both wanted to talk to each other but were giving each other the private space typical of overcrowded cafés. "Bonne vacance," I said as I got up to go. "Bonne fête," he replied, with a smile.
Beneath a calm and fairly contented exterior, I sense a deeper, unsettled feeling, but it's not a longing for material objects nor for other, warmer places. Perhaps it's just the end of the year and my tendency, though I never make resolutions, to take stock. Like many of the people whose blogs I read, I too am feeling unsure about where to put my creative energy in the weeks and months ahead, and all too aware of how precious and limited my time and energy are.
What's worthwhile? It's the question I always ask, and after the obvious answer -- being kind to other people, especially those I love -- I always come back to the question of work and creativity. We are living in a time when computers help us to do pretty much whatever we want, from publishing our own books to making high-quality videos. Just like millions of other people. Does any of it matter, in this torrent of words and images, rushing forward on a river of accelerating time?
Yes, Beth, it matters to those of us who read your work and look forward to your posts.
Posted by: kaycie | December 22, 2007 at 03:58 AM
Yes, it matters. If you were to decide to stop blogging, I'd support the choice - it takes energy and time, and balancing those is incredibly challenging - one thing coming at the cost of another. But it would be a loss to the web, your voice. While you do this, its a light in darkness people can come to, use as beacon, gather around, be assuaged and enlightened by. So it's a gift you give, and as you have it to give, I'm glad for it. Merry Christmas, Beth, and thank you for the many good words!
Posted by: Theriomorph | December 22, 2007 at 04:51 AM
If you knew what mattered, would you need to write?
Posted by: Bill | December 22, 2007 at 07:32 AM
It matters to express oneself whether others read your words or not. That some do and find the words inspiring or thought provoking is a bonus for you and a kindness to those who enjoy reading what you write!
Posted by: jzr | December 22, 2007 at 02:18 PM
It matters in ways neither you nor I nor any of us will ever know.
Something as simple as the image of you walking home from the symphony in the snow, has played over and over in my mind. I don't live that way... but how much would change, here in Atlanta, if such a lifestyle was supported? I've begun talking about the possibilities and alternatives to people who never visit blogs.
The Web is an growing organism - blogs and creative efforts are the "imaginal discs" that are organizing this new creature around centers of light rather than ignorance. (At least taht's the opinion of this biologist.)
And when I want snow for Christmas, I click on your link. Thank you for your efforts. Goodness always matters.
Posted by: Pat | December 22, 2007 at 02:27 PM
What Bill said.
Posted by: Dave | December 24, 2007 at 09:36 AM
The quality of attention matters -- but I'm sure you will bring that to whatever you do.
Cassandra Pages matters to me; it is the place on the web that feels most like home to me, and I would miss it very much if it went away.
But certainly the time we have is short, and there isn't time to do even a fraction of the things that are worth doing -- saying CP matters is not the same thing as saying you should keep it going if there's other things you want to do. I'm grateful to you for having made this beautifully human space. But being human, of course it's mortal :-)
Posted by: dale | December 24, 2007 at 08:36 PM
All the above, seconded.
That's a lovely picture.
Happy Christmas Beth.
Posted by: Lucy | December 25, 2007 at 01:04 AM
Beth,
Thank you for your kind words. Have a wonderful Christmas.
Posted by: anasalwa | December 25, 2007 at 06:39 AM
But Beth, I understand the angst of this feeling - does any of this really matter - our busywork? But what else to do?
Posted by: Anna | December 25, 2007 at 08:48 AM