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Earlier Archives

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  • My professional writer's site, with biographical info; links to selected essays and other published writing; reviews and comments; contact information.


  • My biography of Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church, published by Soft Skull Press in June 2006

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Who was Cassandra?


  • In the Iliad, she is described as the loveliest of the daughters of Priam (King of Troy), and gifted with prophecy. The god Apollo loved her, but she spurned him. As a punishment, he decreed that no one would ever believe her. So when she told her fellow Trojans that the Greeks were hiding inside the wooden horse...well, you know what happened.

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January 31, 2008

No Preconceptions

Winogrand2_2 When I first met my husband, 29 years ago, I knew much less about photography. He showed me his own work, but began telling me about the people who had influenced him, illustrating his discussion with pictures from the carefully-selected collection of photography books on his bookshelf. He had studied with Minor White (who he respected but didn't particularly like as a teacher) and with Joseph Losey, the film director (who he did like, very much). He admired the work of Walker Evans, August Sander, Disfarmer, and Dorothea Lange, up through contemporary photographers like Emmett Gowin. His real love, though, was street photography, beginning with the in-the-moment photography of Cartier-Bresson and continuing right through the contemporary American realists.

It was inevitable that we'd end up with Gary Winogrand. I was startled and fascinated by Winogrand's eye, his prolific shooting, his quirkiness. Winogrand was to die much too young, at 56, in 1984, leaving a huge volume of undeveloped film and a legacy of brilliantly-observed moments. Last fall, at MOMA, it was wonderful to be in the photography galleries with my husband and a close friend, also a fine photographer, when she discovered Winogrand for the first time, and to see the look on her face and hear her exclamations as she moved from image to image.

So I was happy to find an account, the other day, about what Winogrand was like as a teacher. Coffee and Workprints: A Workshop with Gary Winogrand was written by Mason Resnick, a former editor of Modern Photography. It definitely sounds like he captured the person who must have been behind that camera. RR, this is for you.

(You can view a slideshow of two dozen of Gary Winogrand's images at the website of Fraenkel Gallery, which represents his estate.)

January 29, 2008

More than Survival

Jewelry_in_window_small

The sun has swung northward again; we notice it by the light filtering into the bedroom earlier in the mornings, and the faint warmth when we're out in the early afternoons, telling us its fire is not quite so distant. Otherwise, we are settled in for the long northern haul between Epiphany - the end of the holidays - and spring. Somehow the presence of so much snow since early December has made me more cheerful this winter -- at least it looks and feels like a real winter. I stand at the edge of the park and watch three layers of movement: the cars speedily passing in both directions, close to me; the colors and random motions of people and dogs and children entering and leaving the park; and, finally, miniature hockey players gliding up and down on a rink in the distance. Today I was outside for a long walk, enjoying the particular sensation of both biting cold and sunshine that is perhaps reserved for those of us who live pretty far north.

In the metro I passed a young man asleep on a bench, and later, on the street, another cradling his dog inside the same blanket that wrapped his own body. Further down Mount-Royal, a young nun in a blue dress and black headscarf stood talking to one of the street people, asking him questions about how he was doing; he sat on the sidewalk, his head tipped up toward her, speaking sincerely and calmly. And in the metro again, beautiful flute music greeted me as I rode down the escalator: two South American musicians playing what seemed like music from the Andes on a guitar and set of wooden pan-pipes. I slowed and smiled at them; the hollow, reedy, mountain sound has accompanied me all the rest of the day.

January 27, 2008

Why I still love Vermont

For those of you who've never been to a New England Town Meeting, here's proof that democracy is still alive and well in a few spots in the U.S. (And, look, Bush is at least smart enough to have visited only the other 49 states!)

 

January 26, 2008

Hidden Messages

Soiree_rebirth

Enigma is everywhere, in the current issue of qarrtsiluni: from the streets of Holland to a girls' school in Africa; in a train from Lubichan to the quiet of a Buddhist temple. Guest editors Dana Guthrie Martin and Carey Wallace will be accepting submissions until January 31st, and the hidden messages will continue to unfold through the month of February, in prose, poetry, images, audio and -- for the first time with this theme - video! This is a last call to please send in your best work; it will be considered carefully and kindly. Don't be intimidated, either, if you are an as-yet-unpublished writer; qarrtsiluni is looking for original, interesting, well-crafted work regardless of the reputation of the artist - unknowns are often published, and well-knowns are sometimes rejected. Each submission is judged on its own merit. And please visit if you haven't already - this online journal is turning out to be a really exciting venture.
---

Allan Peterson is one of the writers I've met through the pages of qarrtsiluni; his poem Hallowed and Behold was the first post published under the current theme of Hidden Messages. Allan sent me a link to a recently-published article in Panhandler (University of West Florida Press) containing not only his poetry, but some of his graphic artwork, and I liked both very much. Allan isn't a blogger - yet! - and he gave me permission to publish one of the poems from that group here, and it ties in with my previous post. Thank you, Allan!

Cradles of Civilization

The future does not speak our language
Water rises
and falls in the twin sinks like the breathing tides
Babies are everywhere in bulrushes
Wherever we say it is now it is elsewhere
we cannot surmise
This is purposeless which is not to say useless
Where you came from was not an elsewhere
but here from available parts
You will dissolve where you fall

And when the answer comes back from the inner world
on Hua Shan or Delphi
or Sister Madame Zodiac in the trailer on highway 4
Reader and Advisor
it is cryptic and difficult Yang dragon and Yin phoenix
the spontaneous chatter of all the plastic hangers
in my closet who have shed their bodies to talk
among themselves

We should be ready to find out everything we know
is wrong
sunrise a phosphene something daily pressing the sky
clocks accelerating
enough to one day spin off their arms We read in the skull
bone the history of needs
each example a long story a room crowded with tapestries
hunting scenes kings a cardinal
behind me whose face became sharpened by experience
but not its own
To remember who gave us history follow the money
the greedy the astigmatic
the scared shitless glittering dead from whom all knowledge
has been multiplied then lost

by Allan Peterson

(note: this poem was written with centered lines, but although they display properly in Typepad when formatted that way with HTML tags, they aren't displaying correctly in the browsers. Does anyone know how I can fix this?)

January 23, 2008

Menu du Jour: Clash, or Fusion?

Cafeo_small

There is a very low level of optimism about relations between Islam and the Western world, according to a poll and a new report issued by the World Economic Forum. In mid-2007, about a thousand respondents in 21 countries were surveyed about their impressions of understanding, respect, and dialog between Islam and the West, and whether things feel like they're getting worse or better. Not surprisingly, most respondents were not optimistic.

But what did surprise me was that people in the United States, Canada, Israel, and the Muslim countries all said they felt more interaction would be beneficial, while people in Europe said they did not want greater contact.

This seems to line up with the findings of the recent Bouchard-Taylor Commission on "Reasonable Accomodation" of minorities in Quebec. The people who are the most exercised about immigrants, especially religious minorities (read: Muslims) are the French, especially the rural French, who fear losing their traditional culture and language. The immigrants themselves objected to the very term: "We want to be accepted, not accommodated," they said over and over again at the many public hearings. And - again, it's no surprise - acceptance is greatest in the areas with the most contact between cultures and religions, such as cities like Montreal, Toronto, and New York.

But rather than belabor a point that's been made here before, I simple want to say that this is an area where blogging can do a great deal: to illuminate language, culture, stories of personal experience, of displacement and change, to create greater curiosity and less fear of the unknown. I intend to try to do more of that here in the coming months, and I'd like to especially invite readers from diverse backgrounds, countries, and cultures to make yourselves known and become part of the discussion here. You will find a warm welcome and respect, and interest in what you have to say, and I'll be asking some specific questions from time to time to try to get the conversation moving.

For starters, it would be great to hear from readers: how many of you consider yourselves "ethnic" in some way? Were you or your parents born in a different country from where you are now living? Did you grow up speaking a language other than English in the home, or did you study another language intentionally? Is it important to you to maintain or discover your own cultural roots?

(I don't mean at all to exclude English-speakers and North Americans from answering these questions - if you don't know it already, I, for one, feel like an "ethnic American" for the first time in my life, since I now live in a foreign country - French-speaking Quebec. I've also been married for nearly thirty years to a Syrian-Armenian American, which has broadened and changed my whole perspective on personal identity.) 

So - welcome to new commenters and familiar ones who may not have talked about this aspect of your life before: it would be great to hear from you. Let's do our bit for opening at least this channel of exchange and dialog, and reversing that negativity.

January 20, 2008

Bobby Fisher in Queens

Fischerspassky72a

1972. A small bedroom in a small duplex in a nondescript section of Queens. On the unmade bed, two twenty-year-olds: a girl with blue eyes, long blond hair and wire-rim glasses; a boy with a mane of unruly dark curls, an eastern European face, a thick beard. He drums his fingers on the mattress in a pattern she recognizes as the second fugue of the Well-Tempered Clavier; she smiles to herself and turns over onto her stomach, propping her head up with her hands. She wears cut-off jeans and a tank top. The boy is in a white t-shirt and boxer shorts. The room is sweltering; a fan runs in one corner but seems to barely stir the humid air. But except for an absent-minded hand that brushes the curls off the boy's wet forehead, the two don't seem to notice; their attention is elsewhere.

At the foot of the bed is a folding table, and on the table a chess set, with the pieces arranged in the middle of a game: black on the left, white on the right. Beyond the chessboard is a black-and-white television. On the screen, a young announcer is seated behind a counter; there's a clock on the wall behind him, and when the camera moves to the side, a large chessboard with the pieces indicated by their normal symbols. The arrangement of the pieces on the chessboard in the room mirrors the game on the television screen. The young couple studies the board, and waits. The television announcer - a young American chess amateur named Shelby Lyman - studies the game on the wall of the studio; he's somewhere in New York or New Jersey. He ponders the possible moves, explaining them to his unseen audience, as he waits for the next phone call from Iceland. Then, in an excited voice, he announces the move, and changes the position of the piece that Spassky or Fisher has willed into action. Often, it is a move that neither he nor anyone else has anticipated, including the young couple in the room who have been debating what might happen next.

The flurry of excitement over each move is followed, most often, by these long periods of confusion, incredulity, admiration, anticipation. Sometimes, though, the moves follow in rapid succession, leading up to yet another long series of pauses, or, occasionally, to a rapid denouement, with one player's sudden brilliant insight causing the death spiral of his opponent: check, check, checkmate. When that happens, the couple can barely keep up; they move to the edge of the bed, their legs dangling onto the floor, bodies leaning forward toward the television, hands poised over the boards as major pieces fall like towers under a wrecking ball -- and then sit back, shaking their heads, dazed -- until they remember they're hungry, and head off to the refrigerator in search of a piece of cheesecake and a quart of milk that they'll devour on the kitchen table.

--

Her father had taught her to play chess when she was five, around the same time she learned to read music. She was an only child, and they had played together quite a lot in those early years. He rarely let her win. She liked the game well enough but didn't seem to develop the necessary competitive fire, or the desire to study chess books, opening sequences, end games. As she got older, the analytical side of her nature clearly preferred music, especially Bach, which she practiced on the old square piano in their upstairs hallway. Not many people played chess in their small upstate town; her father had a few friends he played with once in a while, and in the evenings they played bridge with her grandparents or friends of the family -- it was more social. But after she went away to college and began bringing home boyfriends, they more often than not answered "yes" to her father's immediate question: "Do you play chess?" and the weekend visits came to include long vigils over the chessboard as her father and her friend battled for supremacy.

David was the best of those players. The son of radical Jewish intellectuals from the city, he was a gifted player who had been raised on the game. His bond with the girl, though, was music: he was a fine, if sometimes undisciplined, pianist, and they had met in the common room of their university dorm one day when he was playing Gershwin on the baby grand, and she had come along and started singing the song, which she knew by heart. "All right!" he had said, his dark eyes looking up at her from the mop of hair. "How about another?" They found out they shared the same politics, the same sense of humor, the same love of classical music. She had a gift for imitations, which cracked him up. He could play anything on the piano; she sang Schumann and Schubert lieder, show tunes, turned pages for him as he practiced Bach. The boyfriend she'd been dating all year didn't stand a chance.

In the summer, they were both working, but she took the bus to the city for a few long weekends. He met her at Port Authority on Friday afternoon, took her to a deli near the accounting firm where he worked, where the waitresses knew him by name and handed him a piece of pound cake without asking for his order. They looked at her approvingly, smiling, glad this melancholy, intense, sweet hippie had someone to penetrate his loneliness, someone besides the invisible piano he constantly played on the table-top beside his coffee.

They took the train out to Queens and walked to his parents' house, in a suburb of similar houses, trees, sidewalks. The days passed in a blur of oppressive heat. Sometimes in the evenings they played trios - the boy and his father on recorders, the girl on flute. His mother made them dinner, fussed over them, laughed at their jokes, sat at the kitchen table and talked. Most of the time they spent in the bedroom: fooling around, trying to sleep, and watching the chess matches.

It was a break from the war, the war that lay, thick and suffocating, over everything in those years. A personal future seemed unattainable. So they opposed the system until they were exhausted and then clung to the beauty they could grasp: music, art, young implausible love, and dazzling mythic battles fought on a remote island, played out on squares of black-and-white.

"Fisher's taken Spassky's rook!" Shelby Lyman cries.

"Wow," says the dark-haired boy, reaching out to remove the piece from the board. He tumbles the rook from hand to hand, staring at the screen. "Did you see that coming?"

"Not at all!" she answers, studying the new arrangement. "What will he do now?"

"I have no idea," he says, and pulls her down beside him, grinning. "Imitate Shelby again for me, will you? Come on, pleeeease?"

January 17, 2008

True Love, and a True Romance

Last night we went to a wedding.

The couple in question were being married at their home, in a small civil ceremony attended by family and close friends. We walked along the snowy street to the lighted porch at 6:30 pm, and were met by the immediate warmth of incandescent light and candles; smiling people crowded into a few small rooms; flowers; trays of champagne and little hors d'oeuvres.  We all greeted one another and talked happily until all the guests had arrived, and then the hosts called us together saying, "All right, let's do this!"

After a few words of welcome, we listened to "Concord", from the Choral Dances by Benjamin Britten, and then the ceremony began, presided over by a very handsome Quebec notaire, who read the civil code for marriages to the two partners, as required: it states that, by law, both are required to keep their own names, that they are obligated to live together, that they will each contribute financially to the expenses of the family "according to their means," that they are both required to care for each other and share the responsibilities of the relationship. And then the rings were blessed by two Anglican priests who were the official witnesses; the rings were exchanged; the notaire pronounced the couple married; and they embraced while we all spontaneously burst into applause, with hands that were already wet from wiping tears from our faces.

After more champagne the hosts brought out a beautiful home-cooked meal served on their own china: poached salmon with a lemon cream sauce; a filet of beef; a porcelain terrine filled with a fragrant vegetable curry; salads; delicious wine; and later all sorts of little bar cookies  - raspberry, lemon-coconut, chocolate - for dessert.

It was, in a word, wonderful, and I was honored and very, very happy to be there. For yesterday was the exact 35th anniversary of the day our friends had met; they had gone home together that night, and have never been apart since. For years, they felt marriage wasn't necessary, and then, more recently, had changed their minds - but wanted it to be in the church where so much of their life has been lived, and their community has been found. But in spite of the presence last evening of seven Anglican priests, all of whom deeply love this couple, and the continued efforts of many of us present, this is still impossible in Canada. So these two men decided thirty-five years was long enough to wait, and gave themselves a wedding.

A couple marries each other, and P. and R. did that last night. I hope there is no doubt in their minds that their wedding was holy, sacramental, and complete. The room was radiant with love.

January 13, 2008

Love and Attachment

Chinese_knot

"Knowing what will happen in the future, we are faced with a simple choice: either we resolve not to become attached to people and things, or we decide to love them even more fiercely."
- Amélie Nothomb
The Character of Rain

While perusing the wonderful Commonplace Book at Whiskey River, I recently came across this quote and it's been haunting me. I've never read The Character of Rain, though I looked up a plot summary; this is the statement of a French novelist, not a theologian. Nevertheless, we find echoes of the same idea - or is it a warning? - in both Buddhism and in the Gospels.

But is this, really, a simple choice between opposites, as Nothomb suggests? I've always felt that the concept of non-attachment to people, if not material things, was misunderstood in Christianity, and perhaps in Buddhism as well. (I wish someone who knows about Hinduism would comment on this.) And of course the quote can also be taken in a very secular way, leading toward either existential aloneness at one extreme, or total attachment to love-objects at the other.

Asceticism and renunciation of the world have both been seen as valid spiritual interpretations and life responses, and it's true that both can lead toward greater knowledge of the self, and eventual shedding of ego. For me -- presently living in the midst of marriage and other relationships, and consciously simplifying but not denying my relationship to things -- reality seems far more nuanced. It comes down to facing the call to love one another deeply while also accepting that life is temporal. This compels me to try to do the work within myself that allows inner freedom, strength in solitude, and an eventual ability to let go of things, places, and people who have been, yes, fiercely loved - because life contains endings.

But what do you think? Is this a choice? And is genuine love the same as attachment?

January 11, 2008

Cold

Magic is everywhere, I know it, but it's been hard to find today underneath the wads of kleenex and inside a head that feels like a stuffed turkey. For the past five or six days, I've been sympathizing with a sick husband, quaffing Echinacea, and willing myself not to succumb, but it's pretty hard when a bug is this virulent and you're sleeping next to it. All the hand-washing advice in the world doesn't quite make it in the realm of matrimony; that's why there's that "in sickness and in health" bit. And he's been very sweet to me today, running errands and making me tea. For my part, I'm trying very hard not to be cross or pathetic, but I feel both!

This afternoon I watched out the window as the clouds settled lower and lower on the hills, until at 4:00 pm they had sunk down into the treetops across the street. It's been dark and sleety, and then rainy, and most of the snow has dissolved into a typical January thaw. After lunch (turkey soup, from the frozen remains of the Christmas bird,) J. went off to a business meeting and I tried to work a bit, then cleaned the kitchen, knit another inch on my striped socks, and wandered between the bedroom and the couch. Finally I sat down at the piano and played for a while: a set of easy Beethoven bagatelles, the first French suite of Bach. And even though my head was still aching, and my fingers were out of practice, for half an hour there was nothing but the music.


January 08, 2008

Drala

Dscn0436

The first book I read in the new year was Dragon Thunder, My Life with Chogyam Trungpa, by Trungpa's wife, Diana Mukpo. The late Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche was one of the first and most important teachers to bring Buddhism to the West; he escaped from Tibet, went first to Scotland, and then to the United States, where he founded the Tail of the Tiger (Karmê Chöling ) retreat center in Barnet, Vermont; Tibetan Buddhist centers in Colorado and Nova Scotia, and, with the Zen master Shunryu Suzuki (founder of Tassajara) started Naropa University.

Because I lived for so long fairly close to Karme Chöling, I knew many people who were his disciples, and  visited the center a few times. I never met Trungpa personally - I certainly wish now that I had - but his presence and teaching had a pervasive influence on the area of Vermont where I lived, and they certainly affected me. He has appeared to me in dreams, and I've read a number of his books and been profoundly affected by them. One of his disciples taught me to meditate, many years ago. Although, as a kind of crossover, Merton-styled contemplative, I feel closer to the Zen tradition than to Tibetan Buddhism, Trungpa's iconoclastic, "crazy-wisdom" was larger than anything that could be contained by a label; I feel very indebted to his teaching and his wisdom about communicating Buddhist teachings to western students.

Like most of us, he was also a flawed and controversial person; he died of alcoholism at 48, and made an error in his choice of a dharma heir: the Vajra Regent Osel Tendzin died of AIDS and also transmitted the disease to another student, but even before that was clearly seen not to be capable of handling the role completely and selflessly. After the premature deaths of both Trungpa Rinpoche and the Vajra Regent, the sangha splintered; his oldest son has now taken over some of the leadership, and seems to have a serene, strong presence.

---

A few days ago, in the comments on the post "Tea with a Friend," Carolee wrote: "I see that you live in a magical world. I am envious. And then I know as writers we can find magic." I thought a lot about that comment; no one had ever said anything quite like that to me. It's true that I do believe that we live in a magical world and that its wonder is always all around us, waiting for us to lift our head and discover it: I simply never think of it as magical - it is the way the world is, and has always been for me. I am the one who sometimes forgets, who becomes immersed in my own worries and preoccupations, and who needs to practice.

So when I turned next to reading Shambala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior, Chögyam Trungpa's attempt to chart a secular path for some of the most important teachings about how to live a centered and fearless life of compassion, in that strange way of spiritual convergence I was not surprised to find these passages in his chapter on "Discovering Magic":

We always have a choice: we can limit our perceptions so that we close off vastness, or we can allow vastness to touch us...When we draw down the power and depth of vastness into a single perception, then we are discovering and invoking magic. By magic we do not mean unnatural power over the phenomenal world, but rather the discovery of innate or primordial wisdom in the world as it is. In Tibetan this magical quality of existence, or natural wisdom, is called drala...

One of the key points in discovering drala principle is realizing that your own wisdom as a human being is not separate from the power of things as they are. They are both reflections of the unconditional wisdom of the cosmic mirror...The discovery of drala may come as an extraordinary smell, a fantastic sound, a vivid color, an unusual taste. Any perception can connect us to reality properly and fully. what we see doesn't have to be pretty, particularly; we can appreciate anything that exists. There is some principle of magic in everything, some living quality. Something living, something real is taking place in everything.

When we see things as they are, they make sense to us: the way leaves move when they are blown by the wind, the way rocks get wet when there are snowflakes sitting on them. We see how things display their harmony and their chaos at the same time. So we are never limited by beauty alone, but we appreciate all sides of reality properly.